You’re Not Alone
Haim Ginott, the parenting genius and author of several books, described our dilemma in the introduction to his classic Between Parent and Child:
No parent wakes up in the morning planning to make a child’s life miserable. No mother or father says, “Today, I’ll yell, nag, and humiliate my child whenever possible.” On the contrary, in the morning many parents resolve, “This is going to be a peaceful day. No yelling, no arguing, and no fighting.” Yet, in spite of good intentions, the unwanted war breaks out again. Once more we find ourselves saying things we do not mean, in a tone we do not like. 
In fact, those of us who are most vulnerable to anger may be those who have stronger emotions of all kinds. We love more passionately, we live more joyously. That is a blessing. But it must needs be that there is an opposite in all things. Along with the gift of fire (enthusiasm, passion, gusto, zeal), we have the challenge of channeling, managing, and training our fire.
Fire can warm and cook. It can also scorch and destroy. Let’s begin by trying to better understand anger.
The Assumptions behind Anger
Even as we violate our conscience by insulting those we love, it is quite possible for us to feel virtuous. We may think, “You are wrong or bad and I am helping you by straightening you out.” Consider some of the common assumptions behind most anger.
1. Anger is real. Anger tends to feel wonderfully authentic. “This is truth. I hadn’t seen it before. But now I do!” We discover that our child has stolen from a neighbor, hurt a sibling, or told a lie. We feel that flash of indignation. Suddenly it all makes sense. The child needs rebuke!
2. “I must be honest with you.” When we discover something awful, it seems as if we must deal with it immediately. We need to talk about it. The “truth” explodes from us. We can’t seem to keep it in.
3. “I must deal with anger by getting it out.” “With all this feeling inside me, if I don’t get it out, I’ll explode.” So I tell my child just what she has done wrong – in angry, indignant tones.
4. “After getting my anger out, I will feel better.” Most of us assume that the expression of anger is cathartic. “After I have fully expressed my indignation, I will feel relieved and peaceful.”
5. “After I’ve told you what’s wrong with you, you can do better.” It seems that our child has been blind to some truth that we have discovered. When we point out his error, he should be able to make better choices in the future.
Anger seemingly has all the satisfactions of a crusade: a worthy cause, plenty of emotion, an opportunity to make the world a better place, and a deep feeling of satisfaction.
Unfortunately for those of us who get angry readily, all of the five ideas above are almost entirely false. The crusade turns out to be a slaughter of innocents. The truths about anger are very different from the common beliefs.
The following is an excerpt from Wally’s article entitled: The Soft Spoken Parent: Strategies to Turn Away Wrath. To find out the truth about anger and how to help your children, you can follow this link to read the article in its entirety.